decisions to make

I have a lot going on. My father informed me it was my job to get the business to grow. My job to go out and meet people and sell sell sell. I can't. Its not in me. It just isn't. I love my job. I like people. I like helping them on the phone or when they come in but I am NOT and never will be aggressive like he needs. He is gearing me to take over. He said today that he would be gone soon, not as in retiring but dieing. He said this right after I told him how many people asked for shoots yesterday at function I shot last night. One lady offered to advertise for me during her parade of homes ( I am doing a family shoot for her next week) I think it scares him to think that I have found what I want to do, what is in my heart to do. I want to go back to school, or at least get certified for photography. I want to learn all I can, but here in this area there is no place to do it.

I have another option but it involves moving to another state, to an area I love, with good schools, and family and even friends I have there. It almost feels like home already.

Pros to moving:

school to train in, readily available jobs in the insurance field, my mother, my brother, my best friend not too far away, a local scrapbook store (c'mon it is a big deal for me), people in that area are willing to pay more for my services. Its so dang beautiful. Have always LOVED that area even as a high school student. Two hours closer to ex so kids might get to spend more time. My mother gets off work early enough that she could watch them after school, while I am at work, my mother is an artist so she "gets" my photography and would support me in my endeavors as much as she could. I get excited thinking about it. here my neighborhood is deteriorating, schools here after elementary scare me.

Cons to moving: My father, my children would miss him sooo dang much, I would miss my fathers family terribly, job security (but not liking it) Security in a place to live always, miss my mother in law and that family, miss my friends I have finally started making here. My house is falling apart and could not afford to get something on my own. I feel secure, yet trapped here. I get an amazingly good tax break living here. (really amazing). Don't know if my mother is willing to be such a big part of our lives right now.

As you can see its really weighing on me heavily. If I don't make some kind of decision soon, I am going to screw my dad out of being able to sell his business back to the company and make some money for retirement. BUT he is counting on ME to be his retirement and thats too much dang pressure. He has worked SO hard to start this business from the ground up and it sux that he would have to sell it to the company and not hand over his clients to someone who cares for them with the same service they have always depended on. To be honest with you and with me, I want to move, I have wanted to move to Washington since we drove up the coast to Victoria island, spring break 1992. Never had a doubt in my mind I would eventually move there. Just didn't know when. Wish I could just have someone tell me what to do. I have been praying about it. Last night I had a dream that I found a job on line and just had to tell my dad I was leaving. Horrible pain is all I remember about that part.